You’ve just gotten home from a long day at work and all you want to do is kick your feet up and relax, but the dog is whining to be walked, the kids are hungry, there’s wet laundry in the washer and your partner forgot to pick up tonight’s dinner fixings at the store.  Or, you got up at 6am this morning to finish writing your midterm paper, but you can’t concentrate because you had to work til 11pm last night and came home exhausted, but the headache that started bugging you at 8pm wasn’t going away and kept you awake til 1:30am.  Or you’re fighting with your partner.  Or…..you fill in the blank.  Sometimes it feels like the world is spinning faster and faster and all you want is to get off for a few minutes just to catch your breath, but the pressure is on and you’ve gotta perform.  You feel STRESSED OUT.

I talk with a lot of people who are stressed and frequently find myself recommending exercise and relaxation techniques such as meditation, qi gong, tai chi, yoga or relaxation CDs to help relieve stress.  While these techniques do help a lot,  for many people, the thought of adding one more thing “to do” just adds more  stress.

Thankfully, there are five minute (yes, just five minutes!) exercises you can do that can help you feel more relaxed and human again.  The  simple breathing technique I’m going to share with you is one that you can do at your desk, in your car (when the car is parked, of course! ), or even in the restroom if you have to disappear for a few minutes so your coworkers don’t give you funny looks.

Here is the exercise, which I got from “Relax Into Your Being”, by B.K. Frantzis.  It is a wonderful book about Taoist meditation and qi gong practices.  I find this exercise very relaxing and I like how calm I feel after doing it.  I’ve adapted it slightly.

1. Sit comfortably with your feet placed on the ground in front of you.  Relax your shoulders; notice your buttocks in the chair and your feet on the ground.  Keeping your mouth closed, place your tongue at the roof of your mouth and relax your face.

2. Bring your attention to your breath as it travels in and out of your nostrils.  Really notice the sensations of your breath moving in and out of your nostrils, even down to the movement of your nose hairs.  Take your time doing this and don’t worry if you get it “right” or not; just notice what you notice.

3. Once you have experienced those sensations, slowly notice your breath as it continues to enter into your body.  Notice the sensations as it moves from your nostrils and into your throat.  Follow the flow of your breath as it moves into your chest and into your lungs.  Feel the line of your breath as it moves into your belly and down to your belly button and finally down to your lower dan tien*, which is the area roughly half way between your belly button and your genitals.  Do not speed through this.  Give yourself time to really feel the sensation of your breath in each of these areas before you move to the next area.  The main goal isn’t to reach the lower dan tien, but instead to feel the sensation of your breath in each of these areas as it moves on down.  If  you don’t reach your lower dan tien on the first try or even the tenth try, that is fine.  Give yourself time to feel the sensations and relax into the exercise.  Don’t push yourself.  Eventually you will reach your lower dan tien.  And again, don’t worry if you do it “right” or not, just follow the instructions as best you can and notice what you notice and you’ll do great.

4. Continue with this exercise for 5 or 10 minutes, really feeling the sensations of your breath as it travels through each of these areas.  If you want, see if you can take longer breaths while doing the exercise, but again, don’t push yourself.  This exercise is about relaxing and feeling your breath.

5. When you are ready to stop, sit for a moment and breath normally.  Notice your feet on the ground and your buttocks in the chair.  Bring your awareness back to the room in which you are sitting.  When you are ready, return to your day.

*The lower dan tien is an area about 4 finger breadths below the belly button, in the center of the body.  It is considered, in Chinese philosophy, to be the seat or focal point of one’s internal energy or qi, and is utilized frequently during meditation and qi gong practices.

Mountain Stream in Sisters, OR

Often when we deal with our problems, we get stuck in our feelings of being hurt, upset or frustrated. We might try to think our way out of a problem by figuring out a strategy to deal with it. Perhaps we’ll give ourselves a lecture or pep talk about how to cope. We’ll talk to our friends or maybe just try to distract ourselves. These techniques might be helpful for a time, but they largely come from our minds or thinking process, which is just one part of the entirety of who we are. We often fall into the trap of listening to our minds more than any other part of ourselves, or let our minds drive our emotions or our emotions drive our actions, without really knowing why or what is going on beneath the surface of our minds and emotions, so that we can address the actual issue.

The following is an exercise that was given to me. It focuses on four key aspects of our selves, the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual “bodies” or aspects of ourselves. I tried it for the first time when I was dealing with an issue in an important relationship. I took some time to relax and then check in with these different “bodies”, one at a time. When focusing on my physical body, I noticed temperature, areas of tension and relaxation, breathing, physical comfort, etc. With my emotional body, I noticed what I was feeling as well as where that feeling was located in my physical body. With my mental body, I paid attention to what I was thinking about and how I was thinking about it. With my spiritual body, I paid attention to what felt like my “higher Self”. I was surprised by what these bodies had to tell me, what they experienced and “believed” and how they interacted with each other. Doing this exercise is helping me understand some old patterns and habits, and is giving me more clarity in my relationship with others as well as with myself. Journaling with this exercise is also very useful.

And now it is time to share the exercise, which you will find below.

Check in:

When asking the questions below, ask one question at a time and take your time. Let the answers arise on their own rather than trying to rush the process or think about or analyze it.

Sit quietly and breathe for a moment. Coming from a very kind and gentle place, begin to check in.

Feel my physical body. What is my relationship to my physical body. What does my physical body have to tell me, if anything. What does my physical body need, if anything. Listen to what my physical body has to say. Be with my physical body. Thank my physical body.

Feel my emotional body. What is my relationship to my emotional body. What does my emotional body have to tell me if anything? What does my emotional body need if anything. Listen to what my emotional body has to say. Be with my emotional body. Thank my emotional body.

Feel my mental body. What is my relationship with my mental body. What does my mental body have to tell me if anything. What does my mental body need if anything? Listen to what my mental body has to say. Be with my mental body. Thank my mental body.

Feel my spirit. What is my relationship with my spirit? What does my spirit have to tell me, if anything. Listen to what my spirit has to say to me. Be with my spirit. Thank my spirit.

Doing this exercise helps us connect with these different parts of ourselves in order to help us understand more fully what we are experiencing and what we may need or want. In focusing on these different bodies one at a time, we can cut down on the mental chatter that can often cover up deeper feelings and needs, and develop a closer relationship to ourselves and ultimately get better in touch with and more fully create the lives we want to live. It is useful for problems and is also useful for a general daily check-in. I hope you enjoy it!